I think we all do it, don’t we? Something bad happens and the knee-jerk reaction is to blame someone or something else. But why is blame futile?
It’s quite simple really. When something bad happens it generates pain – physical, mental and/or emotional pain. It’s understandable that pain is unwelcome, it’s intolerable even, so we want to get rid of it as fast as possible, and blame is very effective in passing it on.
Example: you stub your toe against the table leg, which is very painful, and in your anger you kick the table for being in the way and therefore at fault. The fact that you are responsible for where you put your feet is irrelevant. And you feel better for punishing the table, the stupid thing!
We pass on blame in many ways. Something causes us grief and we look for the scapegoat: our parents, the neighbours, the friend, the boss, the alcohol, the government, the ethnic minority, the judicial system. The list is long… Because it’s too uncomfortable to consider our part in whatever mishap has occurred. It’s all about avoiding accountability and responsibility – in other words, guilt (and it’s close buddy, shame).
It’s called the blame game and it’s everywhere – in families, in the workplace, in politics. Just look at the news headlines in any given moment!
So, if blame gives relief in the short term, why doesn’t it ultimately work? Because what caused the pain and the problem can’t be undone. The toe is still sore (or broken!). You still lost your job. The accident still happened. The money is still gone. Blame not only keeps you in the suffering, it spreads the suffering. It can snowball into horrors such as war and genocide.
And that is why blame is futile. What’s the alternative? Acceptance – which is another word for letting go. When you work through your pain, it dissipates over time. You free yourself. You create space for joy. Doesn’t that ultimately feel better than suffering?
For more letting go, listen to MatChat with Mina Podcast “How detachment sets you free”