As humans, we have a tendency to attach ourselves to stuff, but the reality is that this does not lead to fulfilment. Attachment distracts from being in the present moment and takes you away from knowing who you really are. I think there are five things to detach from to liberate yourself and live life to the full. But first, a story:
One day, my computer decided to not work properly. I called the helpline who told me the only solution was wiping the hard drive. Had I backed up what was on there? Yes, I had. Then I had a thought, “but will the back-up definitely copy back over?” “We won’t know for sure until we try,” she replied. Wow, okay… But I had no choice. I followed her instructions and then the big moment came – I had to click on the button that said “delete”. Like, delete everything: all my digital photos, my history, documents. My life, basically.
As the cursor hovered over the button, I had a nauseous, sweaty moment, and then CLICK! The whole computer screen went black. It was all gone. And in that moment something strange happened. I felt lighter, like something had lifted. Because I asked myself: would my life end if I lost it all? What about the photos of loved ones who had passed? I realised that actually, I rarely sit and look at the photos because all the memories are in my heart, along with the love and the joy. And all the documentation I could recreate. I was in fact FREE!
This is what attachment looks and feels like. You think you are defined by whatever you are clinging to. Non-attachment is the art of staying detached – you live your life dealing with what comes your way but knowing that all the stuff “out there” is not your source of resilience and strength.
So, here are five things to detach from:
- Our story. For example, “I’m not enough”, or “I’m a failure, or “I don’t matter”. We are given our story as we grow up, and if we attach to it, we spend life seeking confirmation of that story. This is the road to pain and suffering. We’ll never know our true potential. So, detaching from your story is the first step to liberation.
- Objects/money. Like my computer. Money is another hook which often leads to greed. I’m always intrigued by the super-rich who try to avoid paying tax when have more money they can spend. The more you have, the more you fear losing it. It’s illogical, but you cling more.
- People. I always feel concerned when I hear/see/notice someone saying “I can’t live without so-and-so” and really mean it. This is not love, it’s dependence. What they are actually saying is “I don’t exist”, or “I can’t exist without so-and-so.” It can be a family member, a partner, a friend or a cult leader. Instead of handing your being over to someone else, you need to find your way back to Your Self. Only then can you love someone with an open heart.
- Results/the outcome/status. I think most people get attached to the results of their actions. Will I get the job/promotion? Will I get a high mark on the exam? Will I be successful? Will he/she like me? This type of attachment is very draining, stressful and anxiety-inducing. Take Gandhi’s advice: “Do your best and leave the results to God.”
- Ideas/beliefs. If we are attached to an idea or belief, we are by definition closed. We don’t hear the other options or points of view. Maybe that’s because there is security in thinking you are right. But it also makes for a very limited life with no growth. When you liberate yourself, you open up to a state of curiosity and continuous learning. You are not your belief.
There’s an old saying, “The person who has nothing has everything.” I think there is truth in this because when you have total detachment all you have is trust – trust that the universe has got your back, will look after you and give you what you need. As Alan Watts writes, “faith is not clinging, but letting go.” You can liberate yourself starting today.
And when you stop clinging, you realise all you need is love, joy and contentment – all of which is found within YOU! I’ll finish with a quote from the yogic scriptures – the ancient yogis were of course experts in detachment, and yet their wisdom is still applicable today:
Seek refuge in the attitude of detachment and you will amass wealth of spiritual awareness.
Bhagavad Gita 2.49
For more on non-attachment, listen to MatChat with Mina Podcast “How detachment sets you free” with Sarah Cox